Chronology

If you could look back from where you've arrived, Sometimes you might see your former self with dread, You'll never take an active part in your life again, You won't understand what drove you, what made your blood boil.

Your mother's face flashes before you, her painful smile, She suffered the world into existence, smeared with amniotic fluid, You were born fighting, coming into the light screaming, Then the pain faded away into the distance, lost in the darkness.

Years passed, you started to learn, some things stuck with you, You turned your small steps into milestones, You never imagined you would be nothing more than a number, You would sometimes cry your sorrows into your song, drown them in wine.

Now you would look back, you might laugh or maybe cry, You would do everything differently now, you would do it all differently, You can almost see how many people are there, no one is standing by the grave, You could decide now, whether you want to live or die.

Over there, everything is real, the images are sharp, Many years, friendships, loves, joys, are gone, Buried with you are grudges, harms, sins, They no longer cause wounds, they no longer cause alarm.

You lived, don't search for its meaning in vain, it's pointless, You were late, you hurried, you rushed, you wanted to get it over with, You grew up, your existence went by, passed, then slumped into this age, Yet they told you - you don't always have to run so hard.

Now you can rest, you chased, you drove your twenty-one grams, You let yourself be hurt or maybe you even struck back sometimes, You believed that your existence was still good, that it held many surprises, You fought for it, you struggled, you bravely stood up for it.

If you could, you would sob, reaching out, longing to be alive, But above you is earth, under you is earth, the sky is so far away, Buried is the naive dream of the former little child, It was a moment that you thought would be yours forever.

Lukács Judit***2024.05.18. Hungary. Vác. ,,Edibor,,